No Help Needed

Do you ever wonder why God gave you the child(ren) that He did? I mean have you really sat and thought about what God’s purpose was? On occasion I find myself wondering why out of all the children I could have, God gave me Turkey-Man and Little-Flower.

It amazes me how much the two of them reflect hubby and I. Turkey-Man is this happy, outgoing, ball of energy, very similar to hubby. Little-Flower is much more stubborn, independent and aloof like I am. We adopted and somehow still ended up with children that reflect our personalities. In this, I see that God matched us according to His plan, but every now and then I find myself wondering what lessons he has in store for us through that.

Last week I ran into an incident that left me feeling like God was sitting right beside me saying here is a lesson you need to learn. Let me let Little-Flower reflect what I see and listen to the very words of wisdom you give her because they are the very same ones you need to hear.

“Independent” is the only word that can really describe Little-Flower, but it does little to explain just how independent she really is. Long before she could hold a spoon she would get mad at me helping her eat. She could not feed herself yet, but she was not about to easily allow anyone to help her overcome her inabilities.

A couple of days ago we got into a scenario that left me wondering if three was too young for antipsychotic medication. She was refusing to get undressed because she wanted a bath, not to get undressed. When I stepped in and removed her nightgown a meltdown ensued because she “wanted to do it herself!” So I left her to finish getting undressed the rest of the way, but she went back to refusing because she still wanted to take a bath, NOT get undressed. I took the rest of her clothes off which provoked another meltdown because she wanted to do that herself. Threenagers are so fun to reason with! She is not just independent, she is fiercely independent!

Last week we were in the getting dressed routine when I felt the God nudge. I left her to get her shirt on only to hear her cries of frustration moments later. I went in her room to find her with her shirt on backwards, both her head and an arm through the head hole, and the arm then through the wrong end of the sleeve. She was upset that she could not get the other arm in the right way. Looking at the situation, I decided to step in. She was frustrated and crying, so I was going to help.

TANTRUM! She did not need any help! She was going to do it herself!

After she settled down (and I got her shirt on the right way) we had a little talk. I did not want her to get discouraged by needing the help, so I congratulated her on her efforts and then went on to explain that sometimes, despite our best efforts, we need a little help. It is okay to accept it.

That would be when I felt the nudge. It was as if God was sitting right there looking at me and saying, “Sometimes I see you with your shirt on backwards, with your arms in the wrong place. I send help. Sometimes despite your best efforts, you still need it. That’s okay!”

Like Little-Flower did that morning, I want to refuse the help no matter how tangled up in life I might get. In my head I want to throw a tantrum over the help instead of seeing it as God’s intervention in my life.

How many of you are like that? From the very beginning of humanity, help was designed by God. He looked at Adam and said it was not good for him to be alone. He would make him a helper. Thus, Eve was created. Needing help is not a weakness. It is divinely natural.

Our society is so caught up in the mindset that someone can do anything they put their mind to. It is a lie. We are not designed that way. We are meant to need each other and biblically encouraged to help each other in any way we can.

It is good to do as much as you are capable of, but sometimes we find ourselves with our shirt on backwards and our arms in the wrong place. Like Little-Flower, we cry out in frustration. God hears us and just like any parent, He wants to step in and help.

Proverbs 16:18 warns us what happens when we let our pride step in. “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.”

Speaking for myself, I know my fierce, independent nature separates me from the help that God wants to step in and offer. My pride steps in and I arrogantly refuse any offers, insistent on doing everything myself. Every now and then, He uses the very children He gave me to show me what I look like from His angle as my father. Seeing it from that perspective, I see how foolish it looks.

Accepting help is not weakness. It is actually the strong that are able to do it because it reflects the faith that we are taught to have. God is our father. He knows what we need. I need to let God step in and do what he divinely set out to do from the very beginning. (And, maybe thank Little-Flower for that lesson!)

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