Of the many things I have to express gratitude about it is becoming increasingly clear that one of those is the ability to blog about our experience. For several years I held some of the details of our journey close to my heart only allowing a precious few see more fully the impact this road has had. Being able to open up and let people see both the good and the bad has been liberating!
I was so scared about what people would think. I figured everyone wanted to hold onto this good triumphs bad, fairytale version of our life. We struggled, we overcame and now we have this amazing family to show for it. The end result erases the struggle and pain that have followed us closely throughout this journey.
Sometimes the infertility still hurts so much that it takes my breath away. I was ever so reluctant to share that with anyone. I was afraid that my pain would be viewed as me not being fully grateful for the children we have been blessed with. With so few having been down the road we are on, it is difficult to feel like people can understand how separate infertility and adoption are, how one can still struggle deeply although their general longing for parenthood has been fulfilled. Blogging has given me the opportunity to be deliberate in my words to explain this phenomenon.
Open adoption comes with its own set of misunderstandings. Wrapping up joy, grief, fear, uncertainty and beauty into a picture that someone who has not been on the adoption path is nearly impossible to do, let alone on the fly in the space of a conversation. Through this outlet, I am able to paint a fuller picture of what it really looks like.
Blogging has given me the chance to share our story, to explain the myriad of conflicting emotions that exist in our world. It has helped me to become less guarded and aloof with our life as a family. In connecting with others through our experience, it has helped normalize details that I have held closely hidden allowing me to be more transparent without judging my feelings as shameful.
Thank all of you who take the time to read my words or comment on my thoughts. Thanks to those who have allowed me the opportunity to guest blog on your sight! My original hope in sharing our story was to help other families walking this same road. I had no idea just how much it would help me along the way!