Why Him? Why Me?

One of my favorite motherhood moments is sliding in alongside one of my children sleeping, rub their backs and gently wake them up. They are so peaceful, so innocent in those first few blinks of their eyes opening.

One day last week, Turkey-Man was just not waking up. He’d open his eyes in confusion only to shut them and roll away from me. After a few times of this, I opted to just lay there snuggled against him and let him sleep beside me a bit longer.

As I laid there, a thought started running through my head. “Why him? Why me?” Out of all of the little boys that have existed throughout the history of this Earth, and out of all of the mothers, why us, why now? What is it about our souls that God has intersected our lives in such a manner that I would play such a vital role in his life?

It is an answerless question. To understand the answer, I would need the mind of God, not human. But, it is a question that I sometimes find myself wondering. God could have placed me in any other era with any other son, but He paired us together through his divine appointment.

Sometimes in the span of time, I feel so small. I am just one of billions who exist at this point in time, let alone in all of Earth’s history. It is easy to feel insignificant. But, then I realize He has a plan, a purpose, for Turkey-Man’s life. There is something that he needs to live out that plan and I play a role in that. I am left feeling so small and yet so significant that God would choose me for this task.

I have no understanding of the inner workings of God’s plan. It is too
grand for me to even attempt to wrap my mind around. All I can do is honor Him and raise Turkey-Man with the knowledge that God has a reason for his existence.

I remember laying my eyes on him for the first time and feeling as if my soul recognized him. The divine part of my being felt like it had found what it had been searching for. It was as if it already knew exactly who my son was. I just had not met him yet.

How does one explain the feeling of recognizing my son when I met him? In order for that to happen, there has to be more in this life than just our bodies. Our DNA could not evolve in such a manner that I would know who my son was. It is impossible for a series of genes to have that capacity.

In order for that to happen, we have to have a spiritual side to our existence as well. In that moment, I could not help but to know God’s hand was at work in our lives. I had become good at saying the right Christian words, but not always as good at recognizing God’s purpose in my life. The instant I saw Turkey-Man lying on the warmer, I stood in awe of God and how he had worked in our life.

I wanted to start out the “Sharing My Romans 8Hope” series by beginning from the basics. In order to have my hope I need to have something to hope in. Certainly, my human body leaves little to hope in that is greater than
myself.

Seeing God at work is something that has given me enormous hope in his purpose. Seeing how the pieces of hubby and I’s lives fell so perfectly together has left me with a humble realization of his superior control of my life.

It has made it easier to trust God in the difficult moments. I cannot deny that there is divine purpose to what we have struggled through and know that future struggles will yield God’s desired outcome if I just hold on tightly through the storm.

I look at my children and have no idea what is in store for our family. If I let myself get absorbed in the “What if’s…” anxiety gets a foothold. This experience has taught me that nothing is gained by that line of thinking.

God is in control. He knows our future. He has a greater purpose than I can see for all that happens in our life. That belief provides me a wonderful sense of peace, which in turn gives me the hope, the supreme hope, I have in Christ.

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