Today, the Wednesday’s Wild Chronicles series brings us to the question that so many of us on the adoption road face: Should we share that we have been matched and with whom?
The decision about who to share the information with that we had been matched was never an easy one. We get caught in the middle of worrying about the match failing and having to explain that, but yet so excited that we feel as if we could burst.
With this match falling so close to my brother and sister-in-law’s announcement that they were pregnant with triplets the decision was that much more difficult. They wanted to wait until they were past the first trimester before making their news public. Although neither my brother and his wife nor hubby and I are the type to be possessive of the spotlight, we wanted to give them the space to share their announcement first and let the dust settle a little before making our news known. This meant holding out for at least four weeks before letting people know.
It was an excruciating wait at times! As comments trickled in about the triplets it became even harder. We had not shared with anyone that we were even thinking about another child so people lacked sensitivity about my longing for another child. Being caught in a situation with the stakes so high, I was desperate for support. People unknowingly began to make painful comments in our direction.
The Sunday that my brother and his wife confirmed the rumors publicly was particularly painful. My brother was slated to preach, so before diving into the meat of the sermon he explained that the murmurings were true. They were expecting triplets.
One person simply asked the ever so common question “Anything new with you all?” and when I replied, “No.” they responded with, “Yes there is! You are going to be an aunt to triplets!” I remember thinking to myself that it was not really anything new to me. I had known this information for several weeks before they made it publicly known. I had something very major that was new to us, but I had to keep the news bottled up inside.
That day another person told me with that them expecting triplets we needed to start adopting some more so we could catch up. I know in a million years this individual would have never said anything intentionally harmful, but those words stung. We were expecting, but no one could know.
Out on a walk with my mom and sister, I could not hold it in any longer. I constantly felt like I was only partially present in any conversation about the triplets and, rightfully so, that was all anyone talked about. I was so cautious about anyone knowing our secret that I became aloof during conversations about them. Eventually, I needed people to know so that they would not misread my guardedness as me struggling with their news.
As we walked, they were in an animated conversation about the gender of the triplets. At that point, my mom had four grandsons and only one granddaughter. Being the girly-girls that they are, both were hoping for more girls to join the family. Finally, I slipped in my comment. “I hope they have one of whatever gender our child is going to be and two of the other. That way there will be 2 and 2, with no one being a third wheel.”
I let the information sink in for a minute as they turned to me and asked if I was saying what they thought I was saying. I confirmed the news that we were expecting and shared the circumstance. I then watched as the rest of the puzzle pieces fell together as they realized the implications of both the triplets and our child being due at the same time. The hope and terror intermixed.
I asked that they keep the news private until we decided when to make it public. With being so open with our first match and having it end in failure, we were still guarded about letting too many people know.
That line of thinking would change when we quickly received some very concerning news regarding the adoptability of this child. We were thrust into a world that we did not understand.
Next week I’ll delve into the legislation that would change everything!