I have learned through the years that in motherhood you often find yourself at the juncture of conflicting emotions. You find joy in each new accomplishment, but sadness as you watch bits of childhood falling away. The love and anger when you find your child that wandered off. For me, today it was pride and shame.
This is one of those situations that I am not proud to admit. Honestly, no one would probably ever know my selfish thoughts had my son not shown me what a better person would do. His tender heart amazes me at times.
One would think after all that we have been through, and four and a half years into this parenting thing, I would have learned to drop judgment. I have improved, but today showed me, not nearly enough.
We are two weeks into Turkey-Man taking gymnastics class. It is a class for four year olds, which makes my impatience that much more ridiculous. There is a little boy in his group that is always a step or ten behind the rest. The teachers are often caught up in helping him while the other kids wait.
My patience was rather thin. My judgmental nature wanted to tell this kid to get it together and stop slowing everyone down all of the time. However, Turkey-Man’s heart saw the situation entirely different.
He and the other two in his group were ready to move onto the next segment in the exercises. As had happened with each part, they had to stop while the teacher helped this little boy. Instead of being annoyed, Turkey-man walked over and held the mat in place while the teacher worked to help this boy’s body into the proper position. No one asked him to step in. He just saw an opportunity to help and did.
I sat in the bleachers beaming with pride and hanging my head in shame. As I was becoming mildly annoyed at the situation, Turkey-Man was looking for ways to help. He was showing me how to be a better person.
I am sure it is not the last time I will learn from him. His sensitive nature often catches me off guard. He has this high energy, loud, rough and tumble way about him, which makes this quiet, caring side almost feel like an oxymoron. In my mind, I cannot jam those together into one little body. I expect it from Little-Flower. She is a nurturer at heart so that seems natural to her personality, but not Turkey-Man.
Seeing life through the eyes of a little one is one of the most amazing parts of raising children. Everything is untainted by previous experiences. There is an awe and innocence all around. Sometimes I want to hurry my children along, my agenda overriding their curiosity. Today, however, taught me once again to slow down and see life differently. I am a proud mama today as I sat in awe watching Turkey-Man’s understanding of life!